Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
