I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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