It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
