I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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