So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
