I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
