he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
