no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
