I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
