your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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