hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
