i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
