So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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