drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
