I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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