WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
