Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
