Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
