Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
