The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize