part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
