i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
