Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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