my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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