You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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