White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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