Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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