Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
