I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
