I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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