If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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