If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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