Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
