I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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