AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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