Kiss
Puke
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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