i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
