Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
