Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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