I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
