I must be too annoying 4 u.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
