And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
