i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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