If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
