Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
