lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
