I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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