Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
