Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
