I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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