Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
